Porn reviews
March 30, 2012

(Lucas, 1-888-562-9125,

“Fade in on a guy with a hunger for fame, and a dick and an ass to remember…”

MANUEL: Maybe I watch too much Smash, but these 10 newcummers are like adult entertainment’s versions of starry-eyed Broadway hopefuls, each secretly singing “Let me be your porn star!” Well, kids, my casting couch is open for business, and I have a big part for you.

ROD: For me, the real star of Newcummers is big, beefy, smooth muscle hunk Max Chevalier. His physique, his cock, his tats and his ass are just what I want in a porn star—and just what I want in me right now. “God, I hope I get it!”

MANUEL: Rod, opinions are like assholes: everyone has one, but some are so ugly that nobody should ever be subjected to them—like Rush
Limbaugh’s. Be that as it may,

Newcummers has some of the prettiest assholes I’ve seen in a while. Edji Da Silva, Brandon Jones, Hayden Colby—their pink-eyes were so pretty, I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. Then I saw Franco Ferrari’s perfect anal aperture, and I knew I was coming.

ROD: Brandon Jones gets my nomination. I usually like my guys a little beefier, but with an ass (and abs) like his, I’d be all over him just like Nick Ford is. It was hot seeing Jones give his real-life boyfriend Adrian Long permission to fuck Hayden Colby in the final scene. If anyone gives Jones competition for Best Ass in a Leading Role, it’s Colby!

ROD: 4 splats
MANUEL: 3½ splats