Shells Shock

Unlikely cabaret star shells relishes her days of whine and roses.
 
“She’s you on your worst day,” says Roslyn Hart of Shells, the Shiraz-swilling, drunk-dialing, overly sharing cabaret singer she channels monthly at Joe’s Pub. “She’s got a lot going on in her life, but she gets fixated on some guy. And she has absolutely no filter.”
 
In between rambling diatribes about the love of her life, Scott—actually a drunken one-night stand she’s blown completely out of proportion—Shells belts out pop songs that audience members have e-mailed her (TheShellsShow@gmail.com). She opened her last performance with a balls-out, off-key version of Miami Sound Machine’s “Rhythm Is Gonna Get You,” performed while changing into a low-cut ensemble on stage. It only got sloppier from there.
 
The idea for the character began several years ago when Hart and co-creator/director Nick Chase were servers at the Bryant Park Grill. “We [saw] these girls who were bright, attractive and successful, but they were obviously miserable because of some guy,” says Chase. Shells first appeared in rambling video clips screened during Chase and Hart’s variety show at Mo Pitkins (giving them time to change costumes). Eventually she got bumped up to lead status and a star was born.
 
A JPMorgan Chase analyst by day, Michelle “Shells” Haylie Hoffman sees herself as a bone fide celebrity. “In her mind she lives in Andy Warhol’s New York or in Page Six. She’s even invented a rivalry with Chloë Sevigny,” explains Hart. And she is something of a sensation. A mix of downtown types, cabaret fans and curious onlookers crowd Joe’s to watch her slow-motion train wreck, often shouting at her not to call Scott for the umpteenth time.
 
Naturally, Shells has a large queer following—both Chase and Hart believe gays enjoy the show’s campiness and can relate to the way the character wears her heart on her sleeve. Plus, what queen doesn’t relish watching a hot mess self-destruct on stage?
 
Does Shells seep into Hart’s everyday life? “I do use her sometimes,” Hart admits. “I’d think ‘WWSD?—What Would Shells Do? And then I do the opposite.” Chase admits, “There are plenty of guys I’ve drunk-texted. And unlike a phone call, you can see the evidence later and cringe.”
 
Drinking is a big part of the show, as Shells’ antics are fueled by a steady supply of Yellowtail Shiraz. “She’s had love affairs with Jack Daniels and Johnny Walker,” says Hart. “But they’re like bad one-night stands. In the morning you think, why did I do that?”
 
At the upcoming Halloween show, audience members are encouraged to come dressed up, with Hart holding a costume contest during the night. (The winner will get a free tickets and a VIP table to her November 22 show). “I’d love it if some people came as Shells,” says Hart. “It would just feed her ego. Especially if there were guys doing Shells drag. It would confirm her status as a gay icon.”    N
 
The Halloween edition of Shells scares up laughs on October 25 at Joe’s Pub at The Public Theater (425 Lafayette St, 212-967-7555). Visit ShellsShow.com for more info.