Frisky Feast

Most meals for special occasions leave us feeling bloated, tired, and the opposite of sexy—the last thing you want to feel on Valentine’s Day. Change that this year by consuming aphrodisiacs, sexual stimulants named after the Greek goddess of love. The following foods and drinks are a good starting point to activate erotic chemicals in your brain, induce blood flow towards your penis, and, with our suggestions, stimulate your taste buds too.

Chili Peppers

Turns out there’s scientific evidence behind those women’s magazine headlines (“Spice up your love life with 69 new tricks!”) linking spiciness with bedroom prowess. Not only do chili peppers increase your heart rate and body temperature while releasing endorphins (much like the effects of sex itself), they also make your lips swell, giving you Kardashian levels of plump—minus the tab at Sephora. The trendy, Sichuan-inspired Mission Chinese Food (171 E Broadway) offers a bevy of fiery options, chief among them the chongqing chicken wings, served on a pillow of fire engine red peppers. For a more intimate setting, trek west to Nolita’s colorful Uncle Boons (7 Spring St), which boasts spicy standout laab neuh gae, a chopped lamb salad tossed with mint and chile powder. Keep the heat on with Boons’ very own spicy beer, fermented with coriander and Thai bird chile.

Oysters

Duh. But do you know how the posterchild of aphrodisiacs earned its mystical reputation? Vaginal comparisons aside, these filter feeders contain high traces of amino acids that trigger the production of testosterone. Slurp up those sex hormones at Williamsburg’s candlelit 1920s-style oyster den Maison Premiere (298 Bedford Ave), which boasts over 25 varieties. The beachy Mermaid Oyster Bar (multiple locations), makes up for its smaller selection with its very own iPhone app, the Oysterpedia, which guides you through the process of selecting your perfect mollusk profile. And if you don’t mind the wait Cull & Pill Oyster Bar (75 Ninth Ave) provides a sensual respite from the racket of Chelsea Market, featuring some of the cities freshest ocean-to-table options, plus a Flying Dog Oyster Stout to wash it all down.

Red Wine

Maybe Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt’s Titus Andromedon was onto something in “Peeno Noir,” his ode to black penis. Those darker grapes increase blood flow via quercetin, a compound that prevents the body from excreting testosterone. As a bonus, it also works as a muscle relaxant. Who needs poppers? The candlelit wine bar Bibi (211 E 4th St), intimately tucked away in Alphabet City, is a good place to start for affordable wine options paired with tasty bar bites. And for the adventurous type there’s Brooklyn’s The Four Horsemen (295 Grand St), LCD Soundsystem’s James Murphy’s hipper-than-thou wine bar flaunting a funky selection of reds paired with small plates like bay scallops and shishito peppers. But don’t go overboard—not only will too much Jesus juice make you look stupid, it will actually decrease your testosterone. And your chances of getting laid.

Chocolate

The Mayans, the inventors of chocolate, used cocoa beans to purchase prostitutes. Maybe they were aware of the arousal-inducing effects produced by chocolate’s tryptophan, a chemical in the brain linked to sexual arousal, and phenylethylamine, a stimulant that’s released when people fall in love. Bring cash, not beans, to Bushwick’s Fine and Raw (288 Siegel St), a chocolate factory specializing in raw, low-heat bars with flavors like habanero salt and mesquite, and a devilishly rich mocha from their coffee bar. MarieBelle (484 Broome St) a European chocolate boutique in Soho, offers bars named after 1920s pin-up girls. But if you prefer to drink your chocolate hot, find the nearest Jacques Torres Chocolate (multiple locations), where you’d be smart to order the Frenchman’s thickly decadent cup spicy, or head to Hell’s Kitchen’s Bibble & Sip (253 W 51st St) and sip the goodness with an oversized marshmallow.

Watermelon

Maybe it’s the connotation of warmer, shirtless days, but watermelon is gaining traction as the Viagra of fruits. Though 92 percent water, an amino acid called citrulline dilates the blood vessels, heightening sexual pleasure while increasing blood flow to the penis. While most watermelon-based salads are confined to summer, year-round options exist. Soho’s Chalk Point Kitchen (527 Broome St) tosses grilled watermelon with sweet chili, feta, and thai basil, and at Fatty Crab (643 Hudson St) you can munch on pickled watermelon with crispy pork belly. Finding drinkable watermelon this time of year is an easier bet with Forgetmenot’s (138 Division St) spicy watermelon margarita, Duck’s Eatery’s (351 E 12th St) watermelon gimlet, and Boka’s (9 Saint Marks Pl) watermelon soju all providing fleshy pink love juice in a glass.